It's Not Failure, It's Feedback

The title above may sound a little like pop psychology, but its core truth powerfully applies to the realms of health and fitness. When it comes to building muscle, I've been known to tell my clients, "Failure is success!" (Insert a generous eye roll here, if you're anything like my clients...).

Working a muscle to fatigue—or failure—is precisely what encourages new muscle fibers to grow. This process also demands a certain amount of focus and curiosity. Mindlessly picking up a heavy barbell can lead to unfortunate outcomes. It's not simply the struggle that promotes growth; it's the integration and comprehension of new movement patterns. Through mindful repetition, familiarity grows, establishing a new norm in the body. Trial and error isn't optional; it's absolutely required.

The Art of the Wobble

Working with balance is similarly tricky because losing your balance is essential to improving it (and let me tell you, my clients love this fact...). The only way to train muscles to support your joints (like when standing on one leg) is to engage those muscles by actively standing on one leg. Wobbling (safely, of course) provides a prime opportunity to notice how we can engage our muscles in different ways to remain upright. Unfortunately, this can only be achieved through wobbling (insert more eye rolls, and perhaps a few expletives here too...).

Meditation's Path to Peace (and Squirrel Thoughts)

Have I ever mentioned I'm into meditation? (Insert more eye rolls, and maybe the sound of your laptop shutting...). Anyhow, this same theory of "failure as feedback" directly applies to meditation. What I often failed to grasp before I began a consistent practice was what a practice actually entailed (spoiler: it's not a constant state of blissed-out inner peace like I was hoping...).

It's about watching your thoughts and gently bringing your focus back to a single point, like your breath. Think of it like teaching a dog to walk on a leash: in the beginning, the mind gets distracted by every passing "squirrel thought." The true work lies in noticing the mind has wandered and gently returning to the breath, over and over again.

Eventually, the dog may learn to walk well on the leash and only get distracted for a hot second by a squirrel running up a tree. Similarly, after practicing meditation for a while, your mind may only be sidetracked by a few thoughts rather than running through all the lyrics to "Ice Ice Baby" (I don't know, I grew up in the 90s when music was fun but sometimes unfortunate...).

Radical Acceptance and Cheerful Pessimism

This concept of embracing the "failure" or the "wobble" is profoundly echoed in practices like Tara Brach's radical acceptance. It’s about fully acknowledging our current reality—the discomfort, the imperfection, the wandering mind—without judgment or resistance. When we can accept "what is" in this moment, we create space for growth and change, rather than being stuck in a battle against ourselves.

Similarly, Alain de Botton's concept of cheerful pessimism offers a powerful perspective. Instead of expecting constant success or a flawless journey, cheerful pessimism encourages us to embrace the inevitable difficulties, setbacks, and imperfections of life. By anticipating that things won't always be perfect, we can approach challenges with a lighter, more resilient attitude, seeing each "failure" not as a personal indictment, but as a predictable part of the process, a piece of valuable feedback to learn from. This allows us to persist with greater grace and even humor.

When to Stop and Reassess

In all the examples above—be it lifting, balancing, or meditating—there are crucial times when curiosity should only come after you stop immediately. While possible feelings of embarrassment over looking like a weak, wobbling, mind-wandering fool (silence that inner critic, will you?) should never stop you, the following absolutely should:

• No Pain, No Gain? No, No Pain, No Pain: There is nothing to gain from sharp, shooting, or intense pain except injury. Productive and temporary discomfort (like "feeling the burn") is normal.

• Notice Your Nerves: When holding a balance or stretch for a period of time (like in yoga), tingling in the limbs is usually an indication that a nerve may be compressed. Should you feel tingling, stop, readjust, or switch to a different pose altogether.

• Take Time With Trauma: When meditating, recognize that traumatic life circumstances may require professional help before you are able to sit with them in practice. While meditation naturally brings up a variety of emotions, you should never feel retraumatized by your practice.

By understanding that these moments of "failure" are actually rich sources of feedback, we can approach our health and fitness journeys with more patience, wisdom, and a truly growth-oriented mindset.